im gonna try to keep my distance so i wont get tangled up in you again.

i hate how there's nothing i can do. if something makes me sad, it's not like it's going to matter to you because there's someone way more important. my feelings are just, what? your 100th priority? or not even? i hate how all i can do is just sit there and watch the epitome of heartbreak happily prance around right in front of me. yeah, i'm over our past. but, i just.. i dont even want to say it over here. so i'll just keep it in me for safety reasons.

safety. this is your way of saving me? hmm.. seems a little off, dont you think? i trusted you when you said things were going to be okay. yeah, for you. but what about me..? youre not the one who gets slapped by reality. youre not the one who has to be around all the pain. youre not me. you dont know what i have to go through every single day. damn it.

saving me.. you shouldve just said the truth about what you were really doing--leaving me.

how long is this supposed to last? i do not like feeling a bit of hatred towards someone. especially if i was once in love with that person. but people change so drastically that it becomes unbelievable.

im keeping these hidden because you cant know what's going inside my head. it will just make things even more complicated. i dont know what you're going through right now because i havent talked to you in which is close to becoming a week. i dont know how you are. bad or good, i dont want to interfere. this is about me and what im feeling and though it greatly involves you, it doesnt mean that you have to be a part of it and get into it again. i can tell that you're extremely tired of me. ive been riding these roller coasters for so long now that even im getting my share of dizziness. im tired of how stubborn i am.

i admit, im guessing i dont have any feelings anymore. but i have my moments. i have my moments when i just want to hug you. and kiss you. and tell you that i love you. i love you, i love you, i love you. my longing for you is long gone. but there are times when i think about it and realize that i want you. but i cant. i cant want you because you dont love me. you tried but you couldnt. and thats enough reason for me to say that i cant love you either. i want to, i can and i will. but i wont. my feelings are in a far off place. but im scared because im not sure if the tickets i bought to send my feelings to timbuck 2 were round trip or not.

im scared because i dont want to go back to that scenario. i want to be done with it. but for some strange reason, my heart doesnt want to allow it. is it my heart? or my mind? sometimes i cant tell the difference anymore. and it bothers me. it really bothers me. i need answers to all my questions. sooner or later, hopefully sooner, ill find them. because this feeling that keeps coming back, is on the process of runing me.

rude. thats what youve become. i dont know how it happened but you went from being the sweetest person to being someone with so much attitude. maybe if it was just me who thought you were acting that way then maybe i have no right to say these things. but im the only one. you changed for a minute. you were like this before.i dont know if you being pissed of at me is the only reason behind the way youve been acting because its not only towards me. ive been watching you and i can see that youre slowly becoming that person you were a couple months back. im curious as to where youre values have gone, where your respect went off to.

i can blame myself for you acting this way towards me. but was it really that big a deal? let it go. it was that moment and that moment only. i can honestly say, as of right now, that i dont give. im over it, ive been over it. now can we all just have a happy ending?

it was wrong of me to act as such. but thats the past. dont wallow in it anymore.. moments are moments. we move on after we experience them. i was having a bad day. i needed someone. and apparently you were there. i was happy. then you mention things and my day goes from bad to worse. but i let it go an hour after. its not like i live by the words i said. IMPULSE. im sure you know what that's like. you say things out of impulse all the time. understand me. like how i tried and tried to understand you when you crushed my heart into a million pieces and left me crying in a corner.

on the other hand.. maybe its better that you just keep your mouth shut. im getting pretty used to it anyway.

everyone was waiting on the edge of their seats for us to get into a fight. to them it would be a dream come true. maybe because if we fought then no one would have to worry about us and our emotions. well, the world got their wish. you havent talked to me in days and i dont know how much longer this will go on. ive been trying my best to show you that im sorry but it seems, nothing's good enough. what can i do to bring things back to normal? because truth is, i really miss you...